Language Selection

English French German Italian Portuguese Spanish

Satan: Sell Your Soul To Me, Not Microsoft

Filed under
Humor

HADES -- Faced with growing competition from Microsoft in the lucrative soul-buying market, the Prince of Darkness today unveiled a new advertising campaign hoping to lure in more customers and turn the tables on Bill Gates.

"The Novell-Microsoft deal was the final straw," Satan said during a press conference at his underground lair. "Novell should have sold their souls to me, not Microsoft. I can offer much greater rewards than some phony-baloney we-promise-not-to-sue covenant. Just look at The SCO Group: they sold their souls to Microsoft and what do they have to show for it now?"

The last few years have been very tough for Satan. "When I look at all of the suckers that have partnered with Microsoft, only to be stabbed in the back repeatedly, I can only shrug my horns," he lamented. "Those should be *my* customers! Between Microsoft and the Republican Party, the competition is eating me alive!"

During the last three quarters, earnings for Hades have plummeted 45%,

Full Story.

More in Tux Machines

Leaked videos, screenshots reveal an HTC One running Android Lollipop

No, you won’t get this gift in time for Christmas, but perhaps seeing an HTC One running Lollipop may make the wait slightly less painful. A batch of videos and screenshots show HTC’s flagship with the newest build of Android, though of course it’s merged with the Sense 6.0 user interface (the HTC One currently runs Sense 5.0). We got a small hint of how Lollipop looks on the One in November, but this leak lays out what the entire operating system makeover looks in clearer detail. Read more

The winning Linux kernel live patch: All of the above

Life's choices often amount to one of two options: Linux or Windows? Android or iOS? Kgraft or Kpatch? That last pair consists of the two major contenders for the technology Linux could use for live kernel patches. Now a winner is in, and it amounts to all of the above. According to a post on the official Linux kernel developer's mailing list, a kernel patching system that works with both Kgraft and Kpatch and uses "core functionality abstracted out of [those] already existing implementations" has been proposed as an addition to the Linux 3.20 kernel. Read more

UNIX Industry Banks on Linux Strategies

Struggling UNIX server makers are strengthening their Linux strategy in line with the open-source application environment. The move is aimed at maintaining remaining customers, since users are increasingly abandoning UNIX servers. However, it is receiving a lukewarm response from the market. According to industry sources on Dec. 22, server vendors such as IBM and HP are concentrating on the development of products so that the Linux operating system and related applications can be used as UNIX servers. Read more

Mageia Beta Delayed, Christmas Quiz, and 7 Best Alternatives

Today in Linux news the Mageia project announced another delay in version 5 Beta 2. The Linux Voice is running a Linux quiz for Christmas and Gary Newell offers up his list of the seven best alternative Linux distributions of the year. The Register says 2015 will be the year of Linux - on mobile. Three reviews need to be highlighted and, finally today, Matt Hartley says everyone should switch to Ubuntu MATE. Read more Also: Linux Bloat, Linux Lite, and Devuan Update