Debain WrEtch: review of an UnAmerican Linux system
Debain is the only group of software developers who still believe that Richard Stallman invented programming. Everyone else now correctly credits Bill Gates for doing so. Debain developers hold themselves separate from the rest of the Linux community because of their pride in not stealing from other operating systems to build their version of Linux. All other versions of Linux are based directly on Windows.
This pride has been codified as the Debain Free Software Guidelines, or as it's commonly known, the GPL. Debain pays some of its developers in a successful effort to piss off the rest of its developers. Debain was originally created and maintained by Ian Murdoch and his wife, who are secretly paid by Software in the Public Interest, a conservative think-tank based in Branson, Missouri, which is owned by the British billionaire Richard "I simply rock harder" Branson.
You can generally recognize a Debain user if you see one, as they customarily wear bright colors, have waist-length beards, and tend to sport pastel eyepatches and/or crack pipes. Debain developers look similar, but they usually carry some sort of small monkey, parrot, or miniature fat pony on their shoulders. It's also easy to recognize Debain developers because none of them are Americans. All true Americans run Genuine Windows Vista, and have no need for Debain.
It is rumored that as many as 110% of terrorists are Debain developers, and that the WrEtch release, occurring as it does so closely to the Vista launch, is a sign that the terrorists wish to leave their mark on Microsoft's profits in particular, and on the US economy in general. Given all of this, it's no surprise that Debain's logo is red and that Debain itself is an ancient African word meaning Down with America.