Language Selection

English French German Italian Portuguese Spanish

There Is NO Neo-Con Conspiracy

Filed under
Humor

There is no conspiracy. The Neo-Conservative Wing of the Republican Party, the Brainwashing Wing of the FOX Network, and the Evil Wing of Microsoft [1] have not formed an alliance to achieve world domination. There is no dark, sinister plot by our media overlords to brainwash the American public. These rumors are simply not true.

Well, actually, they might be. We have, indeed, received evidence of a massive GOP-FOX-MSFT trifecta. But we don't want our media overlords to read the rest of this story. Thankfully, the average Neo-Con only skims headlines and soundbites, while ignoring anything of substance. With our bogus headline and introduction, the coast should now be clear to reveal Microsoft Conspiracy Theory 2.59e17, the most diabolic conspiracy theory in the history of diabolical conspiracy theories.

An anonymous source, code-named "Deep Cache" (not his real code name), arranged a clandestine meeting with this reporter at a location known only as "The Android's Dungeon" (not its real code name). While sucking on a cigarette and hiding in the shadows, Deep Cache revealed the conspiracy.

"Neo-Conservatives and Microsoft have united to pursue their ghastly agenda," he said. "It's a perfect match. With some help from the media, the group has found the perfect recipe for world domination."

I was very skeptical at first. After all, Microsoft conspiracy theories are a dime a dozen. Humorix has used them as filler material for almost 7 years. What I needed was proof.

After seeing my negative reaction, Deep Cache thrashed wildly and shouted, "Do I have to thunk it for you? It's as plain as the tracks on your drive, dudette. Microsoft has always wanted to control the world. The Neo-Cons have always wanted to really, really control the world. They share the same agenda! Can't you see? The era of Plug-and-Play Politics is upon us! They must be stopped! Do you want this country to end up as the world's biggest buffer overflow?"

"Uh... no," I said, hoping to avoid another thrashing episode.

"Come on, now -- don't tell me you can't see the parallels in their processes. It's so obvious! Do I have to draw you a picture? OK, fine, I will!"

At this point Deep Cache made a sketch showing the similarities between Microsoft and the Neo-Conservative Movement. It looked something like this:

Full Story.

More in Tux Machines

Alpine 3.0.4 released

The Alpine Linux project is pleased to announce the immediate availability of version 3.0.4 of its Alpine Linux operating system. This is a bugfix release of the v3.0 musl based branch. This release is based on the 3.14.17 kernel which has some critical security fixes. The alpine-xen image is fixed and should now have a working hvmloader again. Read more

Today in Techrights

Open Source Software: Sailing Into Friendlier Seas

Open source software is now a force drawing enterprises and developers like a magnet. The factors pulling adopters into the open source fold are changing, though. Also changing are the attitudes of software developers and corporate leaders about the viability and adaptability of open source. Open source software is increasingly important within the corporation, as a recent survey conducted by Black Duck Software and North Bridge Venture Partners found. Developers and corporate leaders now view open source software as a strategic advantage that can help companies create more secure products with better features and functionality. This helps adopters beat the competition. Read more

Linux at 23, Desktop Feedback, and GIMP 2.8.14 Released

The top story tonight is the releases of GIMP 2.8.12 and 2.8.14. Linux celebrated 23 years yesterday and the community had a bit to say about "the desktop." And finally tonight we have a couple of gaming announcements and Bruce Byfield on the KDE Visual Design Group. Read more