There Is NO Neo-Con Conspiracy

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Humor

There is no conspiracy. The Neo-Conservative Wing of the Republican Party, the Brainwashing Wing of the FOX Network, and the Evil Wing of Microsoft [1] have not formed an alliance to achieve world domination. There is no dark, sinister plot by our media overlords to brainwash the American public. These rumors are simply not true.

Well, actually, they might be. We have, indeed, received evidence of a massive GOP-FOX-MSFT trifecta. But we don't want our media overlords to read the rest of this story. Thankfully, the average Neo-Con only skims headlines and soundbites, while ignoring anything of substance. With our bogus headline and introduction, the coast should now be clear to reveal Microsoft Conspiracy Theory 2.59e17, the most diabolic conspiracy theory in the history of diabolical conspiracy theories.

An anonymous source, code-named "Deep Cache" (not his real code name), arranged a clandestine meeting with this reporter at a location known only as "The Android's Dungeon" (not its real code name). While sucking on a cigarette and hiding in the shadows, Deep Cache revealed the conspiracy.

"Neo-Conservatives and Microsoft have united to pursue their ghastly agenda," he said. "It's a perfect match. With some help from the media, the group has found the perfect recipe for world domination."

I was very skeptical at first. After all, Microsoft conspiracy theories are a dime a dozen. Humorix has used them as filler material for almost 7 years. What I needed was proof.

After seeing my negative reaction, Deep Cache thrashed wildly and shouted, "Do I have to thunk it for you? It's as plain as the tracks on your drive, dudette. Microsoft has always wanted to control the world. The Neo-Cons have always wanted to really, really control the world. They share the same agenda! Can't you see? The era of Plug-and-Play Politics is upon us! They must be stopped! Do you want this country to end up as the world's biggest buffer overflow?"

"Uh... no," I said, hoping to avoid another thrashing episode.

"Come on, now -- don't tell me you can't see the parallels in their processes. It's so obvious! Do I have to draw you a picture? OK, fine, I will!"

At this point Deep Cache made a sketch showing the similarities between Microsoft and the Neo-Conservative Movement. It looked something like this:

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