Hypocrisy off the port bow!
I be Robert Wales, notoriously known as Bob The Burner, privateer in mine own good service, Captain of the famous galleon Asus Core II, proud member of the brotherhood o' pirates. This official document'll be servin' as your confession. Confess and ye shall be spared -- by my troth -- but if ye continue to deny your true nature, you'll take the long walk, and I cannot vouch for ye among the sharks. Join the brotherhood of pirates, or swim with the sharp-toothed fishes.
Thou'rt a pirate. Sack up, ye cowards, and admit thy crimes! Ye did lend thy copy of Microsoft Office to cousins and family to copy and use freely, knowin' that the sharin' o' one's resources with the same is the very portrait o' charity. Tis a capital idea! Never mindin' the fact that ye didn't pay for it neither -- ye got it from me hometown o' Pirate Bay, a place near 'n' dear to the hearts o' many a casual privateer such as meself. The hearth spot o' every rascal, scoundrel, villain, 'n' knave that e'er dared put laser to dye in the name o' friendly-minded software redistribution.
Bore me not with talk of software freedom, for ye well know that all software is free to redistribute at your own bleedin' discretion. That's why ye gave that already five-fingered Office 2007 Professional disc to your mother's other son -- the fat one -- complete with a freshly generated product key and the activation crack executable. If ye should think that such activities be deboshed and dern, and force ye to carry coals to the personal satisfaction of Pope Stallman and High Inquisitor Jones, take heart: Piss them away with the e'entide's ale.