Aliens Patented Our Universe!

Filed under
Humor

Scientists have long been searching for a theory that will solve one of the biggest embarrassments of modern physics. Now a group of researchers have developed such a radical theory involving the holy wars between computer operating systems.

The problem is that big things, like stars, planets and galaxies (collectively the 'macroworld'), are governed by Einstein's theories of relativity, which revolutionized physics a century ago. The embarrassments started coming soon after with the development of quantum theory: it turns out that small things, like atoms and their constituents (collectively the 'microworld'), are ruled by a completely different set of physics, one that conflicts horrifically with relativity.

Both have been experimentally confimed, so both are valid. But why does the universe have two sets of physical laws, one for small stuff and one for large stuff? It's like having two car engines and using one for short journeys, and then swapping the engine over for a long journey. It's like being able to do a backwards somersault in New Jersey and being completely acrobatically disabled the moment you step into New York. What if you somersaulted from New Jersey to New York? Physicists are sick of putting up with problems like this.

Well now there's an explanation. Through some particularly devious variation on the holography theory,...

Punchline.