Dateline 2011: Theater Not Responsible For Customer's Head Exploding
The following story may or may not appear in the Nov. 13, 2011, issue of the New York Daily Fishwrap newspaper:
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. Supreme Court Sponsored By Coca-Cola ruled today that Gouge's Movie Theater of Sillycon Valley, California, is not responsible for the death of eight-year-old Eric Glueckless even though it was their EMP pulse that literally caused his head to explode.
Since 2008, all movie theaters have routinely dispatched an electro-magnetic pulse before each screening to destroy any unauthorized recording devices (cameras, cell phones, wristwatches, etc.) that customers may have brought into the theater in violation of federal law. As it turns out, the theater's EMP gun also causes vision implants to explode.