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Microsoft Issues Warning Against April Fool's Day Jokes

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In a harshly worded statement, Microsoft today warned that the company would "aggressively defend its trademarks against any unauthorized April Fool's Day jokes, parodies, satires, hoaxes, lampoons, gags, japes, capers, pranks, larks, farces, wisecracks, frolics, mockeries, takeoffs, send ups, humor items, or fake news stories."

"We've had it up to here with April Fool's Day," said a Microsoft spokesperson. "This so-called holiday does not give people the right to infringe our intellectual property for humor purposes."

According to research by the Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm), the new policy was personally spearheaded by Bill Gates after he counted 413 different Microsoft hoaxes across the Internet last April 1st. We interviewed the friend of the janitor of the accountant of Bill Gates' secretary, who reported that Gates was overheard saying last year, "I'm the richest man in the world. I'm sick of trying to earn respect, I'm going to enforce respect by court order!"

As part of the anti-parody initiative, Microsoft quieted registered trademarks on every conceivable variation of its brand names, including... the rest here.

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