How to convert people to Linux


Now and then, you come across an almost evangelistic article explaining why Linux is the answer to life, the universe and everything, and then elaborating on the methods to borgify the plebes into the collective. These articles are usually too serious to take seriously, with a note of naivette and zeal that achieve exactly the opposite effect.
Therefore, as a sane and not at all fanboy user of Linux, I want to give you a realistic and effective recipe for converting non-Linux users to Linux. In a way, this article should complement my other anti-evangelistic pieces rather nicely, including using Linux for the wrong reasons and the 10 characteristics of a Linux guru. Links further down below. Now let's begin. P.S. Don't take this too seriously - but do take this seriously.
Infect someone's Windows with malware and tell them to switch
People with bad usage habits tend to blame the operating system for their failures. It's easier to say Windoze sucks than admit you may be misusing your computing assets. This happens a lot. And as a knee-jerk reaction, people switch to Linux. While it is more difficult to destroy a typical Linux distro, because of the built-in safety mechanisms, it's still rather easy.
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Actually it's pretty simple
All it takes to convert someone to Linux is to solve a problem for them that they found intractable with other options. That's it; works virtually every time. Rabid fanaticism not needed.