"Linux is unsafe at any refresh rate."
That's the summary of the latest report from the prestigious Blartner Group, this time warning that prolonged exposure to Linux and other Open Source projects can cause "severe, irreversible mental illness."
M$ began offering the beta to its upcoming OS today - God help us all! Stories are plentiful and opinions are mixed. Here's one such opinion:
Like, wow, Microsoft's Vista, the former Longhorn, is now only more than a year away. With this latest beta, we're finally going to see lots of really new, cool features.
During a press conference at Google Auditorium #5 (the one next to the climbing wall gym), the management of Google made an unexpected announcement that will shake the Internet to its core routers: the Google search engine has finally emerged from Alpha testing and is now considered a Beta product.
There is no conspiracy. The Neo-Conservative Wing of the Republican Party, the Brainwashing Wing of the FOX Network, and the Evil Wing of Microsoft  have not formed an alliance to achieve world domination. There is no dark, sinister plot by our media overlords to brainwash the American public. These rumors are simply not true.
The SCO Group, everybody's favorite lawsuit-factory-disguised-as-a-software-vendor, today unveiled version 4.0 of its flagship litigation product, SCO v. IBM.
After much thought on the matter, I really have no alternative but to come to you with hat in hand and offer an apology. I have received more than my share of emails, saying that I may be a bit “over the top” in my critisism of Windows Users who refuse to try or switch to Linux. Having been tagged as a “Linux Zealot” by some for accusing some Windows Users of just being plain stupid and lazy, I’ve recently experienced a profound revelation. There is only one explanation that makes sense...
No programming language is complete without its own set of paradigm-enriched buzzwords, and that's exactly what Microsoft has promised with its latest gift to the programming world, code-named Freedom Unencumbered (or FU for short).
No, please don’t get so upset…it’s not you, it’s me. I’ve been thinking about this alot lately and I honestly think it would be the best thing for us if we just didn’t see each other for awhile.
OK…I didn’t want to hurt you any more but if you insist on knowing, yes there is someone specific. I am going back to Windows.
Shouting "I told you so!" and "The end is near!", staff members of the Humorix Vast Conspiracy Theory Research Division were shocked and appalled by the news that Apple is going to start shacking up with Intel.
After hearing all of the hype about Linux, I decided to give it a try. That was my first mistake. I soon realized that Linux has more flavors than you can shake a stick at.
I asked a computer savvy friend which was best, and he chuckled and said "Try OpenBSD." He told me that "OpenBSD is the most secure operating system that civilians can legally use," so I decided to install it and see how it compared with Windows.
REDMOND, WA -- The Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm) has just received word of the most shocking coverup by Microsoft to hit our radar since last week. An internal Microsoft memo, discovered taped to the inside of a Papa John's pizza box (double cheese, double pepperoni, and mushroom), reveals a truth that Linux-heads and other intelligent lifeforms have long suspected:
Microsoft has unveiled a new security advisory service to plug the gap between public disclosure of a vulnerability and the availability of a patch.
For years, the Blartner Group and various other prestigious research firms have issued benchmarks claiming that Linux is inferior to Windows. Naturally, we at Humorix have always been skeptical. But while scraping the bottom of the barrel for story ideas last week, we decided to see if we could duplicate any of these benchmarks on our own.
The good news? Everybody in China will soon receive a new computer at no charge. The bad news? Everybody in China will soon receive a new computer at no charge... running Windows.
The practice of overclocking PCs has been blamed for an unusually high number of reported Windows crashes.
Raymond Chen, a Microsoft Windows developer, has revealed that Microsoft received a series of crash reports containing errors which, he said, 'made no sense whatsoever'.
REDMOND, Wash. - Mar. 31, 2005 -- Linus Torvalds, on behalf of all Linux users, has entered into a sales agreement with Microsoft valued at 1.4 billion US Dollars.
If we allow ourselves to think out of the box, we will realize that the Microsoft NT kernel is an alternative to Linux, that is both proven and commercial-grade. It has support from nearly all hardware vendors in the world, and practically every PC comes with an license for the NT kernel. This means: the monetary cost of a copy of the NT kernel is close to non-existent for the average end-user.
At Google our mission is to organize the world's information and make it useful and accessible to our users. But any piece of information's usefulness derives, to a depressing degree, from the cognitive ability of the user who's using it. That's why we're pleased to announce Google Gulp (BETA)™ with Auto-Drink™ (LIMITED RELEASE), a line of "smart drinks" designed to maximize your surfing efficiency by making you more intelligent, and less thirsty.