In a dramatic new study to be published in next month's issue of the Journal of Anecdotal Evidence, researchers have concluded that the quantity of available clues is only growing at a slow, linear rate. While computing power might double every 18 months according to Moore's Law, the same growth rate does not apply to cluedom.

One of the IT guys accidentally discovered that the company's phone system, purchased second-hand a few months before, was running on a SCO Unix server. "I had no choice... I had to evacuate the building and shut down all operations!"

Calling it the "greatest copyright violation in the history of civilization," the government of Greece issued a statement today demanding that Italy provide reparations for all of the countless ideas that were stolen by the ancient Romans.

In what could be the greatest programming achievement since the invention of curly braces, James Hacker has successfully shoehorned a bare-bones Linux distribution into an ActiveX applet running under Internet Explorer and Windows XP.

From Mr. N. O. Humor, Attorney at Law, Kil and Profit Law Firm, registered in some random, obscure, easily-bribed country:

Dear Mr. Morals,

I found your "And Now A Word From Our Lawyers" article to be in violation of several of the patents and trademarks of our customers:

Linux isn't for everyone. Seriously. Here are my top five reasons why you shouldn't move to Linux...

In light of recent developments, the Humorix Legal Department decided that we should publish the following disclaimers and notices to avoid any potential lawsuits or fiaSCOs.

Scientists have long been searching for a theory that will solve one of the biggest embarrassments of modern physics. Now a group of researchers have developed such a radical theory involving the holy wars between computer operating systems.

With Yahoo rapidly expanding the size of its search engine database, Google has decided to take a different approach: shrinking the size of its universe by removing the crud that no sane person (marketing weasels excluded) ever wants to look at.

"Linux is unsafe at any refresh rate."

That's the summary of the latest report from the prestigious Blartner Group, this time warning that prolonged exposure to Linux and other Open Source projects can cause "severe, irreversible mental illness."

M$ began offering the beta to its upcoming OS today - God help us all! Stories are plentiful and opinions are mixed. Here's one such opinion:

Like, wow, Microsoft's Vista, the former Longhorn, is now only more than a year away. With this latest beta, we're finally going to see lots of really new, cool features.

During a press conference at Google Auditorium #5 (the one next to the climbing wall gym), the management of Google made an unexpected announcement that will shake the Internet to its core routers: the Google search engine has finally emerged from Alpha testing and is now considered a Beta product.

There is no conspiracy. The Neo-Conservative Wing of the Republican Party, the Brainwashing Wing of the FOX Network, and the Evil Wing of Microsoft [1] have not formed an alliance to achieve world domination. There is no dark, sinister plot by our media overlords to brainwash the American public. These rumors are simply not true.

The SCO Group, everybody's favorite lawsuit-factory-disguised-as-a-software-vendor, today unveiled version 4.0 of its flagship litigation product, SCO v. IBM.